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I guess there's one for everyone.

[Though she's none too pleased to hear about fear, as expected as it is. Three for three. The Envy's a little surprising though.]

No hatred or grief tests? Distrust too. Who'd you even test this on?

We both reacted weirdly to distrust and hatred, so I didn't want to risk it. I don't trust him that much. ...And he already had a fun time with sadness a while ago. That was my fault.

[...]

Do you know Kimbley? The crazy apathy guy?

[How the fuck else do you describe Kimbley other than the crazy apathy guy.]

[Lucky you. She does.]

Yeah. Kind of. He bought some of my stock when I did that big sale back in Endeca, seemed really happy with it and was interested in me making him some custom bottles when he had an idea of what he wanted.

[Listen, she could not forget a customer that was so into her personal pet projects.]

I didn't know you two knew each other though, what a small world.

...He wanted more of the negative ones, At least when he was angry.

He usually takes the apathy thing in stride, or at least I think he does, but he got really mad about that when he drank the anger one.

[He didn't really know what to do with that, if he's going to be perfectly honest.]

We talk sometimes. ...And get into stupid emotion inducing stuff together, I guess.

Edited 2016-03-29 19:58 (UTC)

[... Well, of all people to actually want negativity, she supposes it'd be the people who can't feel them in the first place.]

Sounds like a nice person to hang out with. [if only you knew you sweet summer child] I'm glad that they could help him! Even if it was, you know, like that. It's honestly a relief to hear that it might actually go somewhere.

[-- even if, you know. fear needs to be redone and retested. she'll do it herself.]

[...A nice person to hang out with.

White no.]

I thought you might like to hear that.

[Especially after not making the-]

How'd your Arehtei challenge go?

Saying that I totally failed it would be the understatement of the century.

[...Well that's kind of-]

What happened?

I was weak. The first chance I could get happiness, I broke and went for it instead of continuing on like I should've.

[She's trying not to let too much show, just by habit, idly turning away as she sweeps. The air feels staler than normal.]

Daimonia said that being selfish is a good thing, but after I'd said so much to her about my brother and what I've done to try and bring him back... [That's right, she told the dino what she told Silver.] I feel like a sham. Do I really want him back? Or am I just looking for the easiest way to make myself feel better about what happened?

...Why not both?

[...]

You want him to be okay. You want to bring him back. You also want to be happy. That's not wrong, is it?

I told her I've give my own happiness if it meant that he could be safe.

[The broom's gonna get set aside, actually, because she doesn't want her self-loathing to break it.]

I'm a liar. I'm only glad that she didn't air my answers or everyone else would know that, too. They just know I can't handle a little fire.

...Did you lie? Or did you tell the answer you thought was the truth, only to realize that you're not ready to give up your happiness yet?

[................]

I thought I could. I really, really thought I could.

[When that guy calls on her, will she really be able to give up what she's had in order to fulfill his desire? Back home, before any of this, would she have failed to deliver the goods, or would she have been able to do it?

Just how far does her weakness reach?]

So I guess it's not lying, but... it doesn't make me feel any better.

[...It doesn't. And it doesn't particularly feel good pointing it out, either. But at the same time...]

So what are you going to do about it?

What can I do about it?

[Honest question, Silver.]

...I don't know. Are you okay with being the kind of person that wants their own happiness, even if it's selfish, or do you want to be ready to take on all the burdens in the world without a thought to your feelings? There's no right answer. It's just want you want to do.

[...]

I'm a little bit of both, myself.

[... Even being told there's no right answer makes her feel like there's a thing she should say and a thing that she wants to say.

Just like with Daimonia.]

I want my brother to be safe.

[It's not an answer.]

I know you do, but that's not what I asked.

[And White knows it.]

[silver why you gotta make this hard.]

... Selfish. I like having friends, I like being close to them and listening to them and stuff like that, but--

But I'm not that good of a person. No matter what anyone says, no matter what we've talked about, I'm just not. Okay? I can't be the kind of person who takes on burdens without a second thought, it's just going to mess up things in the end, getting too close to someone just...

[Just runs the risk of not finishing the deal, but that's a part of the thing she has with that jerk that Silver doesn't know and White would very much like to keep it that way.]

I'd rather be selfish.

Then be selfish. You'll get less hurt that way.

[Getting too close to someone... Just risks them getting hurt by that other guy, right? White did say she'd do whatever he says.]

Maybe you're not a good person, but you're not a bad person either.

[At least Silver's clever. Still being her friend would be somewhat of a miracle in her eyes.]

... There's a part of me that doesn't want to be that way at the same time though, you know? So I get hurt anyway. Or I will. They just become part of the happiness I want for myself.

[Little does she know that it's that part of her that's pretty much the strongest thing against someone like that jerk.]

How was your trial?

[...So a little bit of both too.

The air starts to get warm and pleasant, and it doesn't stop at White's question, but it certainly doesn't continue.]

...It was weird.

[...]

I felt a lot of appreciation, then a lot of envy, then I think I met Aiada? And the test dangled my friends from home in front of me pretty much the entire time.

[Yes, a little of both, she just doesn't realize that it's the answer.]

What do you mean, you think? Weren't those tests made by the other Arehtei since they're not around?

I think so? There was this one voice that was the Arehtei instruction voice, I guess, since they didn't have Aiada around.

And I almost completely messed up my test, except I said some stuff about envy and appreciation being connected and it was really sappy and this tiny little voice came with a warm wind and said "you get it!" and fixed my trial. The test voice seemed just as confused about the whole thing as I was.

The same little wind and voice brought me to this completely white place [to presumably ask some questions but the thread hasn't moved /handwave.]

Edited 2016-03-30 01:04 (UTC)

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